Ralph's Health

In the past I have had these feelings after getting hammered the night before and then feeling the ill effects the following day. This time round I'm saying Never again... to attending an AA meeting. There are so many reasons why, after only 3 meetings, I can honestly say this. It does not fit with anything I hold dear. Here are just two things I think are important to behaviour change... Personal Insights into the problem . It feels like insights into behaviour are frowned upon, although nobody has come right out and said this to me. If I understand the AA approach correctly one has to hand control over to a higher power rather than think for oneself. To me, getting insights is so important to making changes. Feedback . So is getting feedback from people that are directly affected by my behaviour. I don't need feedback from other people with the problems, I need feedback from the people whose behaviour I affect. I need the positive feedback for the new behaviours I am ...

This is a good article worth reading a couple of times: https://rational.org/index.php?id=253 I particularly like this bit: 'Any moron can decide to never again commit just one, vile act — the act of self-intoxication — and find within himself the ability to stubbornly stick to that decision no matter what.' This is an interesting summary, I wonder why the language seems offensive to me though. WTF is The Beast and the Addicts Voice? http://rational.org/pdf_files/AVntshl.pdf  I like the idea that 'I get drunk and then get stupid' is backwards and that the stupidity starts well before getting drunk :-) edit: it makes more sense on the second read. This made me LOL when I was reading the introduction to the book called Rational Recovery: 'I wondered if I would finally become so desperate that I would "snap" and accept the religious conversion they proposed and devote my life to the spiritual Fellowship. Alcoholism seemed preferable.' ...

Here are some interesting reads: https://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/aa-is-faith-based-not-evidence-based/ https://www.thefix.com/content/your-experience-aa-too-fundamentalist-or-too-lax I feel able to make up my own mind on this and blend some of the good stuff I have read and heard in the AA meetings and book with other stuff I know.

I had a good run onto Shining Tor yesterday with my running mates. Here is a photo: And here is the data for the run:

I went into Manchester on Saturday night. Had a great time and was not tempted (by alcohol) once. It was noticed that even though I was not drinking beer, I was still knocking the drinks back, it was mostly either pints of tonic water or soda water. So this compulsion to drink quickly is possibly being driven by the desire for alcohol, but maybe more a habit formed with cold drinks in my hand regardless. I must see if there is any other evidence of this and what it could lead to. I am not too worried about it given that my choice of drink at the moment is tonic water which is not too laden with sugar, but it is interesting none-the-less. I plan to have two more meetings this week then take stock of where I am with that. I'm continuing to read the book and the stories in it, there is a pattern of messages in there which are helping. Here are the ones I have taken to heart for the time being, which is helping me in other areas too. These are not necessarily all from AA, but...

I attended my second meeting last night and found it very difficult to say 'I'm an alcoholic' for many of the reasons already written about here. It is still not sitting quite right with me. http://www.smartrecovery.org.uk/about/introducing-smart ​ I may look into this as an alternative/supplement. Unfortunately no meeting points near me so unlikely to be viable for me, but worth investigating their methods. This pages specifically addresses a couple of key issues I have with the AA approach. One of the more significant ones is the use of labels. I wrote yesterday that the NHS never uses the label 'alcoholic', there is a reason for that. I must try to find out more about what their stance is. It goes against the grain for me in terms of behavioural change. Labels are not part of that scientific approach to behaviour change, which is much more focused on the things you say and do. So, still uncomfortable about the AA approach with regards refer...

So building on the ideas of my last post, taking the concept of a 'recovering alcoholic'. This phrase still sits uncomfortably with me, still sounds negative and needy. I've been thinking about what it is to be recovering that is attractive to me, what I want to hold on to... It is being sober and as a result being happy. I would describe myself as a sober happy alcohol abuser I think, rather than a recovering alcoholic. Taking inspiration from another speaker last night who had an acronym for SHIT I have made up my own acronym. I really don't like the idea of waking up feeling shit, I have had enough of that. So I would rather wake up feeling sharp... Sober - the state I have chosen to be in Happy - the result of my choice Alcohol abuser - the consequence of abusing alcohol for a lot of my adult life (I cannot change the past) Recovering - my longer term statement of choosing not to drink Progressively - I will make progress in my recovery and ...

I made a decision to go to AA last night, for the first time in my life. It was interesting, scary, I got some insights! This last bit is important for me, as I am so cynical about my own drinking behaviour and what has happened when I have reached out for help in the past. The doctors, counselling, help from family, my own resolve, none of this has worked in the past. Last night was the first time I spoke to anyone (whilst sober) what it feels like to be in the grip of alcohol. I tried to admit to the people I love that I am an alcoholic. I have fought against this for a long time. Until I got my insight (more on that in a moment) the label 'an alcoholic' has been a deeply negative one to me, it says to me that I'm broken, a bad person, I need fixing, a basket case... the list goes on. I came home troubled. I rejected the idea that I am helpless when faced with alcohol. I've been dry for a month so surely I am not helpless... As this is the first step then ...

Ok, so it has been a while... For the past three or so weeks (since 9 October 2015 to be precise) I have been on a mission to sort out my health and fitness. There are a bunch of motivations for doing this which I'm not going to go into just yet. At the moment my commitments are: Zero alcohol - it seems as though this is the only way for me to go. Three weeks (or so) in and it is working so far, I even went away to Cyprus last week and didn't touch any beer. in the past beer on holiday has been an important part of the holiday, but it has caused problems so this time round I was tee-total. My wife said it was the best holiday she has had in ages. This is a good thing, I also enjoyed the holiday a lot, was a lot more relaxed and generally we all had a great time. Running - I have averaged 5 miles a day for the last three weeks. This is taking its toll wut I want to do this for a month. I'll then take time to figure out some more sustainable target. I would like to g...